"Deep
Thoughts"
by Jack Handy
To me, it's a good idea to always carry
two sacks of
something when you walk around. That way, if anybody
says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry,
got these sacks."
If you lived in the Dark Ages and you were a catapult
operator, I bet the most common question people would ask
is, "Can't you make it shoot farther?" "No, I'm sorry.
That's as far as it shoots."
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth
part of the face.
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava,
let'em go, because, man, they're gone.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about
cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the
time, for no good reason.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in
the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you
into a panic.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music,
no choreography and the dancers hit each other.
I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a
king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are
some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.