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The Hard-Boiled Egg

At the age of 26, I came to realize that I did not know how to boil an egg.

I searched far and wide, called family and friends, but no one was home. I turned to the internet and found a few hints and even an equation to explain why and how an egg boils. But no direct and specific instructions were given. So...through trial and error, I discovered the perfect egg-boiling technique. Here it is...the secret unraveled. Enjoy.

You will need the following:

  1. Pot
  2. Big Spoon
  3. Cold water
  4. An egg (make sure it's egg-shaped)
  5. A thumbtack
  6. A stove or burner
  7. Common sense

 

OK...here we go:

  1. Turn on the burner to warm it up on high. Don't put the water on yet!
  2. Using the thumbtack, poke a hole in the large part of the egg (you know...it's the part that's bigger than the other end). Make sure you use the thumbtack and not a power drill because the hole needs to be tiny enough to let the pressure out, but not let the white runny stuff out...yuck!
  3. Now, run the cold water in the pot so there's enough water to cover the egg.
  4. Lower the egg into the cold water slowly with the spoon. If you drop the egg into the water, the egg will break. Trust me...I know.
  5. Put the pot with the egg on the burner.
  6. Wait for the water to boil.
  7. Once it is boiling, time it for 5 more minutes.
  8. After the 5 minutes of boiling, remove the pot from the burner.
  9. Turn off the burner.
  10. Remove the egg with the spoon and put it in a bowl of cold water. Don't touch the egg yet. It's hot. Trust me...I know.
  11. After about 5 minutes, pick up the egg.
  12. Shell it.
  13. If there is a chicken inside, go back to step 1 and repeat these instructions with a different egg.
  14. If there is not a chicken inside, but instead there is a white and yellow solid part, eat it.
  15. Tip: Dice the egg and add a small amount of butter and salt. Heat for 30 to 45 seconds in the microwave. M-m-m-m delicious.